Objectivity in life, by the practice of love, may come somewhat easy when it is an experience with someone who is close; however, if the person is not someone you are close too, it may be more difficult to be objective and productive. An experience that tested my willingness to be objective came last semester when i was working with the president of the Muslim Student Association at SFSU. The experience with him, though being difficult, proved to not only help my patience when someone is rude and disrespectful, but, also helped me to learn to respect peoples' opinions; especially, when they go against my own.
Last semester, the Muslim Student Association became inactive and almost lost our prayer room. In order to save the MSA, a group of Muslim students got together and made themselves in charge of the group, appointing a Shia as the president. Often times, as can be seen in what happened in Iraq after Saddam Hussein lost power, the Shia and Sunni Muslims do not get along with each other due to differences in beliefs. Luckily, in America, we usually do not have this problem. So it was a shock when i was tested in my objectivity after an experience with him.
One of my friend's dad is a religious scholar in Saudi Arabia, so, he sent 100 Qurans and a bunch of other islamic books to the Muslim Student Association as donations. One day, a friend and I were in the prayer room and the president was looking through the books that were just donated. I saw he was reading a very good book so i said, "Oh that book is really good. Do you like it?" His response was, "I am not reading them. I am just making sure there is nothing Wahabbi in them all." This was an insult. Wahabbi is a derrogatory term that the Shia Muslims made about Sunni Muslims and for him to say it to our faces was very insulting to my friend who was there with me and myself. Instantly we were filled with the feeling of fury.
It would have been so easy to attack him verbally or physically right then and there. Thank Allah, my friend and I both put our patience into practice and just walked away. Walking away is not really being objective though; or at least not completing the objectivity. So, a few days later, we both took turns talking to him one on one, afterwhich, he actually apologized and admitted being wrong. He later made the same mistakes with others and ended up quitting, but not because of this or my friend and I complaining.
Even when i was angry, I realized he is the president of the Muslims at school and he is my Muslim brother. My initial reaction was to walk away and I wanted so bad to tell everyone about what he had said about the gracious donation which was given to us. I spent the whole night reading about how I should react and deal with the situation. After reading many different Ayat and Hadith, I realized being patient, giving consultation, and hiding his flaw from others would be the best and most objective thing to do. The hadith i read that caused me to make this decision was the hadith reported in Sahih Bukhari, narrated by Abdullah Ibn Abbas that the Prophet (pbuh) said,
"A Muslim is the brother of another Muslim, so he should not oppress him nor should he hand him over to an oppressor. Whoever fulfills the need of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brings his brother out of discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Ressurection, and whoever veils the defects of a Muslim, Allah will screen his defects on the Day of Resurrection."
This experience helped me to learn how to be objective by being patient and kind in dealing with people when they insult me or say something harmful. By learning from this experience, I am able to have a better relationship with my family as well. I find myself being more forgiving and kind when dealing with them as well as listening to them even when I don’t agree with what I am saying. So all in all, Fromm is right when he talks about having patience and self-discipline by having rational faith using reason. For me, I used reason and logic when I turned to the Quran and Sunnah for guidance on how to deal with this experience of conflict and it worked, not only with this experience, but also, with many interactions with other people close to me, or people I don’t have a close relationship with.
It's good you decided to talk it out with your Shia brother, even though he tried to pigeonhole all Sunni works as Wahhabbist. If his actual intent were to clump them together with less than honest intention would be shameful. Even then, Wahhabi should not be thrown around as a dirty word. I myself would not be too quick to judge all Wahhabi as militaristic. They do have interesting ideas in minimalism and a simple life.
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